The Myth of Normal – Why Is It Always The Nice Guy?

Have you ever said the phrase “How sad that such a kind and generous person passed away”? This is not just something nice to say to honor the dead, but is in fact quite a normalized way to admire people who put others’ needs before their own.

Type A vs Type B

You may have heard of Type A and Type B personalities, a theory invented by Meyer Friedman and Ray Rosenman. This theory suggests that everyone falls either into one type or the other. Type A people are often described as up-tight, controlling, and neurotic, whereas Type B people tend to be considered laid back, go-with-the-flow and relaxed. However, there is also a Type C personality, which essentially combines the positive traits of the other two types. These people are “cooperative and appeasing, unassertive, patient and inexpressive of negative emotions”, as described in the book. It is exactly these people who were “strongly associated with the onset of malignancy”.

Why Does This Happen?

You may be wondering how such an off-putting correlation exists, and even more shocking if you are religious. Shouldn’t God, Karma, or just plain luck punish those who truly deserve it? Well, the answer is, no. People who are compulsively avoiding confrontation and always making sure the situation is favourable do not know how to handle stress. By constantly running away from it, it slowly builds up in your body until it has nowhere else to go besides within.

Do You Hear Your Gut?

In my previous post I depicted the reasons why stress can be healthy. Stress is the gut feeling which helps us make an authentic choice, which is a core need. Imagine someone has offended you by their actions, and instead of listening to this feeling and voicing your needs, you end up repressing the negative feelings, which hurts you more in the long run. Unfortunately, this is so common, yet also a huge liability. To put it simply, “If the choice is between ‘hiding my feelings, even from myself, and getting the basic care I need’ and ‘being myself and going without’, I’m going to pick that first option every single time.”

Speak Up & Talk Straight!

The reason why so many people chose that option is because the connection to our gut feeling, that instinct of standing up for yourself, has dimmed way long ago during our childhood. Parents always tell us to be good, to behave, and to listen and be quiet. In the workplace, those who speak up often face consequences from management. The most common example would be simply illustrated in a relationship. It is much more enjoyable to spend an evening conflict-free with your loved one, so why should you bring up their lack of help around the house? Of course, this does not apply to everyone, and with each new generation, I believe people are starting to defend themselves more by creating a safe environment in parallel where confrontation is healthy.

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