If you know me even a little bit, or have spoken to me, I have probably mentioned how much I love Vienna. It is full of culture, music, architecture, history and language. I fell in love with this city back in 2015, when I visited with my choir and we got to sing in the beautiful Stephansdom.

I saw the beauty of this capital, and knew that one day I wanted to live there. And I did! In January 2020, I went on my exchange adventure. I was loving every minute of it, every experience. But then the unthinkable happened. The whole world was plagued, by disease itself, but mostly by fearmongering.
I had to return back home, with such a heavy heart. I had been anticipating this trip for most of my teenage years, and when I was forced to come home, it was like my identity was being stripped away.
I always wondered what would have happened if I stayed in Vienna without my family during Covid. Looking back, I’m happy I didn’t, because the circumstances were not great, and I’m grateful I got to spend time with friends and family back home.

However, this thirst for Vienna never disappeared. It only grew. And a big part of this drive pushed me towards coming back to Europe last year. In fact, the plan was to travel for a few months and eventually settle in Vienna.
But when do things ever go to plan? That is something that I still have a lot of difficulty grasping.
So many things ended up happening, from making new friends, job opportunities, joining a band, 2 choirs and finding a home within the Ukrainian community. I know that it’s possible to make a home wherever you go, but it was so hard for me to do.
At the beginning of my move to Malta, I was feeling scared, lost, resentful, sad and confused. Everything was all over the place, and I made and broke friendships. I know now that this is all part of life, but especially in your twenties, you will be finding out who you are and which values you have, and by default friends will come and go.
I struggled a lot with this, but once I managed to accept it, things turned around. I joined Malta’s National Choir, fell in love with my new flat, and generally got into a routine. I’m still waiting for my work permit to be processed so I can start working, but everything else seems to be going well.

But my drive to move to Vienna brings more fear than excitement now. I didn’t understand this feeling. Why was I no longer obsessed with the idea of moving there? Don’t get me wrong, if I could snap my fingers and be living a life there already, I would probably be more thrilled.
I brought up this topic with one of my close friends Anhelina, who often understands me better than myself. She asked me: “When are you moving to Vienna?” And I sat on the other end of the phone, wondering the same thing. I explained to her that I am so overwhelmed with the paperwork I had to do to start my new job. And I haven’t even started working there. It didn’t make sense in my head to already be thinking of the next move when the one in front of me hasn’t started.
She listened carefully, and asked thought-provoking questions, as usual. Then she made me realize that I truly was settled in my life in Malta, I have my routine, my friends, and work is about to start. She said that Vienna has always been my end goal. And I know it’s always going to be an option. But once I’m there, that’s it. Maybe I’m not ready to settle down. Maybe I still want to explore other things, keep my options open.
And I completely agree with her. I’ve recently developed an even bigger interest in travelling to other continents, namely South America and Asia. And I can’t fathom that my adventures will stop now. Yes, I know I can always have a base in Vienna and travel from there, but I’m not sure it’s what I want.

There are a few logistical decisions that need to come into place, especially my job, and then I think I will be able to see clearer what I should do.
As I’m writing this in a café in Malta, two men are speaking German beside me. It’s making me feel nostalgic. I’m glad I had this conversation with Anhelina, because I managed to admit to myself that I may not be ready for Vienna.
I’m still going to go visit in a few months, but I guess the move will just have to wait a bit longer. This is a sign and message to show you that things almost never go to plan, and that is the most beautiful part.
Yours truly,
Anastasiya
Just like Billy Joel,
in his early twenties,
who was going to visit
his father in Vienna…
That song gives me a lot of hope and motivation!