Yep, this month has been hard.
I haven’t received a paycheque in 2 months, which means I’ve been living off savings, and my one lucky piano student.
I had to completely redefine my budget and spending habits. I went from spending most of my paycheque monthly, to spending less than a quarter (excluding rent). This experience has really humbled me and made me realize what I actually need, and what I want.
A big help was forcing myself to cook. That cut down my costs significantly, because I would meal prep several meals at once. I obviously haven’t gone to many activities this month, but found so many cool free things to do.
For example, the city buses are free now, which means I can take the bus whenever and wherever I want. I decided to explore the island a bit more, and ended up discovering some pretty amazing places, including an abandoned factory.
I’ve also been hard at work on my website, which costs me one cappuccino daily, from my favourite local coffee shop. I love going there, the atmosphere is so homely. They also have a piano that is encouraged to be played.
Overall, I managed to completely change my lifestyle around. Not only did I have much less money, but I had much more time. It was up to me which perspective I was going to take. A lot of time could result to boredom, and therefore spending money in order to fill the void. But a lot of time can also spark creativity, innovation and patience.
Taking the time in the morning to wake up, spending time with myself, getting to know and love myself. All of this would be very difficult if I was employed full-time. We are always rushing to the next thing after work, never a moment to breathe.
One of the things I learned throughout these two months was how much I truly enjoyed volunteering and how much I disliked getting a salary. I know this sounds crazy, but hear me out.
Whenever you get paid for a job, your expectations automatically go up. Either “I’m not getting paid for this extra work, so I won’t do it”, or “my boss is getting paid to help me but they won’t so I’m pissed”. I caught myself in this negative thinking loop way too often, and it made me unhappy.
As soon as you switch the perspective and are volunteering your time, you realize that these judgements disappear. It is strange, right? Actually, not.
When you are doing a job knowing you will be paid, you may dismiss some aspects that make you unhappy, such as the ones I stated above. But this is completely acceptable in our society. In fact, we spend up to 9 hours a day possibly doing something we hate, but at least we’re getting paid, right?
Wrong. The issue is we are valuing the monetary tradeoff much higher than our emotional tradeoff. Yes, we put in a certain amount of hours and will get paid a certain amount of work. But the cost can be much higher for your self than you think.
And that is why I think I love volunteering so much. Knowing that I don’t “have” to be here (or that no one does, in fact), creates a much more genuine and motivating environment. No one has a clear role like in the work force, because if you see something that you can fix, you will, because you don’t HAVE to be there.
That’s the point. If money wasn’t such a big factor in our society, and we were much happier with just getting enough, I think we would all be happier in general. But we’re not.
It’s glamorized to work long hours, suck up to your boss and even miss out on important events with our families. Because of what, a raise? An extra 5k a year sounds sweet on paper, but what good will it do when you’re too burnt out on weekends to even see your friends?
Obviously, I’m looking at an extreme, but these feelings can be felt by most of us, to some extent.
The point I am trying to make here is in fact related to my website. I have been so motivated and engaged in it’s creation, until I wasn’t. My drive was deteriorating, and I was terrified. “Was all of this for nothing?” “Do I really want this”? And so on.
And then my night in shining armour came in: my therapist. She made me realize something that I knew, but couldn’t see it with my own eyes in this situation.
I began to lose interest in this project as soon as the thought of making money came from it. That’s the point.
I never intended my blogs or videos to be my main source of income, and now that I am considering it, it completely demotivates me. I never want to be writing for the sake of writing. I write because I have something to say, and want to share it with the
world. I don’t want to have to worry about posting at the correct time of the day, of overanalyzing every text to ensure it meets SEO standards, and to be focusing on the outcome rather than the process.
This was also my dilemma of not going into music in University, even though I am really talented. I was scared of turning into a money-making machine, and I couldn’t bear that thought.
So I’ve decided to keep making my website slowly, but the motivation of making money from it has to go. Because it was never my motivation in the first place. I want to create good content and share it with you! That is what I love about this project.
If you’ve come this far, thanks for listening. I truly appreciate it, and hope you found some inspiration for the way you take your day.
Yours truly,
Anastasiya
