Is a digital detox even worth it? What if I miss out on something important! I cannot survive without my phone – my life is on it!
These are thoughts that run through our head when we even think of putting our phone down.
A little over 4 years ago, I started the long journey of attempting to make a super difficult habit stick. It took me over a year, but I can say that now, this has become not only one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, but it’s also become super easy! Not going on my phone when I wake up, and avoiding using it before bed has become ROUTINE where I have almost NO RESISTANCE.
It sounds impossible, right?
Well, during one of my recent coaching sessions with a client, we proved once more that it really is the small actions you take, and not about completely cutting out something from your life. It’s not about where you are now, but the direction.
So, how are we supposed to wake up on a Monday morning and avoid the one thing that can give us a little boost of dopamine to start our day? It’s hard enough to wake up and have to go to work, at least a bit of scrolling in the morning makes it better. Right?
Absolutely not !
This is a very big trick that your mind is playing on you. Your mind and body are at their most vulnerable in the morning, longing for a nice long hug. The variable reward of what you will see on your phone therefore seems so appealing, and fills our void and need for connection.
Now, I’m NOT going to tell you to just push through and logically think your way through not using your phone. As I said, it seems impossible because it truly works against our human nature. So I will also not list all the negative effects of why phone usage first thing in the morning is bad, because it’s like telling a cigarette smoker why smoking is bad for your health.
WE ALL KNOW.
But what are we doing about it? Moaning and complaining, and then going back to scrolling to avoid that discomfort? Exactly, it’s a double edged sword, because even if you see the problems it causes, you have been conditioned to numb yourself from those emotions by going right back to that phone.
So what actually works?
What I WILL do is tell you how I did it, reminding you it really took a full TWELVE MONTHS to consider myself no longer addicted to the morning dopamine.
The very first thing you need to realise, that since this behaviour is so deeply ingrained in our routine, we are going to have to take very small steps.
I’m talking 30 second increments.
As long as you are doing even a few seconds of something different, you are on the right path.
I started with putting a timer. I would wake up from my alarm, and put a one-minute timer before checking my notifications. This was 60 seconds of hell. I was tired, anxious, stressed and UNCOMFORTABLE. It was like swinging candy in front of a baby and never giving it to it. And this is why I’m telling you to start with SECONDS. After the one-minute timer was up, I could check my phone. And this went on for a few weeks. After the 1 minute was more bearable, and even an exciting challenge, I decided to push myself. “What about two minutes?” If I can do one minute, let’s double it. And by turning it into a game, which itself releases dopamine, I could slowly start finding an alternative to using my phone. Again, I did NOT remove it altogether, I simply DELAYED the response. After a few weeks, I managed to do five minutes a day. And here is where the magic happens.
Let me explain why reaching for the phone and checking notifications is so appealing.
You can literally feel all ranges of emotions WITHOUT LEAVING YOUR BED. What animal would want to avoid that? That is the jackpot of evolution. So, when instead of immediately reaching for my phone and getting the hit of dopamine, I was instead forcing myself to wait five minutes, it became much more appealing to at least get up out of bed and go to the toilet. So I started doing that. Instead of just laying in bed and waiting for the timer to go off, I would do something useful that I would have to do later anyways.
Can you see where I’m getting at?
I replaced the immediate reach for the phone with going to the toilet. Something that you have to do every morning anyways. And then it started to get interesting. Once I washed my hands, I thought “well I’m here anyways, why don’t I brush my teeth to get it out of the way?”
I promise you, that once you are able to resist the first 60 seconds, the first five minutes of going on your phone in the morning, you are much better equipped to fully remove that habit from your routine. And this goes towards any habit you are trying to break. Even relationship ones.
What I started to do with the five minutes was amazing: lay in bed or read a few pages of my book? Lay in bed and wonder who texted me OR plan out my day in my head and mentally prepare myself without any external influence? Lay in bed or get up to the window and feel the cold spring air? You automatically start finding other ways to search for dopamine, and the phone is easier to leave behind, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
Fast forward a year, and I have a rule that I do not use my phone 30-60 minutes after waking up, as well as before going to bed. It all started with the one-minute timer, and redirecting my dopamine craving elsewhere. But you cannot do this just by REPLACING the phone with the new action. You need to do it by replacing LAYING AND DOING NOTHING with the new action.
Your body will always go for what is more appealing or comfortable, so you need to make it uncomfortable first.
I promised to give you guys professional takes on the topics, and here is what Fitness Coach and Personal Training Nadine has to say:
“Since summer’s coming up, one moment that really stuck with me was last year’s beach getaway to Tenerife! The digital detox there was not intentional — neither the WIFI nor the general network were functioning properly in our AirBnb. No Insta, no messages, not even calls. At first, I felt a bit worried (because, what if somebody needs me?), but by the end of the day, I felt so present. I noticed how I slowly started to enjoy being “not available”. My partner and I really focused on us and we definitely connected better than we would have if our phones were there, since we’re both very present on social media. It reminded me that real rest doesn‘t depend on being far from home but actually being socially unavailable and not feeling responsible to being contactable anytime!” @coach.nadi
If you’re interested to break any habit that you think is impossible to break, or even start a new healthy habit, feel free to reach out to me at annagoro@icloud.com. I offer lifestyle and relationship coaching. The first session is always free, no strings attached.
I hope you learned something new and valuable about how habits actually work, and you will try even just one minute of phone detox in the morning. In the next blog, I will dive into how to actually make your phone work FOR you and not against you, and which apps I use to truly make my life easier, not harder.
Good luck and have fun!
Nastia
